The Big Leap
by Gay Hendricks
About a decade ago, a friend of mine landed an interview for his dream job. He had worked hard to reach that point in his career, and he was thrilled and nervous about the upcoming appointment. The day of the interview, he had a few drinks and showed up drunk.
Gay Hendricks would say my friend had an Upper Limit Problem.
Or how about a typical family gathering where everyone is laughing and having a great time until an offhand comment from a well-meaning relative sets off a firestorm of over-reaction, quarrels and hurt feelings.
Gay Hendricks would say someone in the family has an Upper Limit Problem.
According to Hendricks, we subconsciously set upper limits for ourselves.
We believe that things can only be so good, and then only for so long. When circumstances get too good for too long, we start to believe that we don’t deserve them, or they won’t last, so we subconsciously upset our own apple carts.
Most readers will be able to look back through this filter on at least one event in their lives and see it with new eyes. Many readers will be able to recognize a life-long pattern of self-sabotage. Hendricks delves into the reasons why people create artificial ceilings for themselves and some of the methods used to make sure the ceilings don’t get breached.
I experienced many “Ah ha!” moments when reading this book. About arguments, Hendricks writes:
Arguments are caused by two people (or two countries) racing to occupy the victim position in the relationship. Person A claims the victim position (“Why are you doing this to me?”) and then tries to get person B to agree with this assessment. In other words, person B has to agree that he or she is the persecutor. Therein lies the problem. It’s almost impossible to get the other guy to agree that it’s his fault. . . . In other words, each person must present and escalating series of “proofs” that he or she is the real victim.
Or, how about this profound statement:
You’re where time comes from.
In one small book, Hendricks can’t solve all of everyone’s life problems, but he gives us tools to use when reviewing life circumstances. We can ask, “Was that setback arbitrary, like an unexpected hail storm? Or was it set in motion by an Upper Limit Problem?” Hendricks just might prevent someone from showing up to a job interview drunk. Hendricks just might prevent some disrupted family gatherings.
The Big Leap prompts readers to make mindful life choices, build loving and appreciative relationships, while relaxing into Einstein time.
Sounds good to me. If you don’t think so, ask yourself this: Do I have an Upper Limit Problem?
Posted on July 25, 2012, in Books I borrowed, Non-fiction, Self-Help and tagged Gay Hendricks, life-changing books, quotes, self-sabotage, time-management, Upper Limit Problem, what causes arguments. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.